Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Our Greatest Blessing


3:44am

Electricity running through my breasts

Puddles on my pillow case and bed sheet

Your hunger cries soon to follow

Like clockwork you know when 4am is approaching

It takes 4 minutes to warm up the 1am pump and get the bottle together

They tell me my nutrients are best

They didn't tell me about my possible preterm labor

Cholestasis; diagnosed a day too late

The gush of fluid waking me at 12am

The contractions starting two minutes apart

The 0 to 9.5cm dilation in 30 minutes

They tell me breast is best

They whisked you away moments after your arrival

Your daddy and I got to give you a quick kiss

4lbs 13oz 18inches long

You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen

Neonatal Intensive Care Unit

They tell us you will be there a month before we can take you home

We get to hold you once every few hours

The days were short

The nights, very long

Every moment without you I crumble

Your daddy's support and our hopes of you coming home are what's keeping me alive

Glued to an electric pump

Trying to extract your feedings

They tell me my antibodies are best

My body was confused

You are 5 weeks early

Your tiny body adjusts to the tube feedings

I can start nursing you on the 4th day

What I can't produce, they give you artificially

They tell me not to give up

Breast is best

You're home now and months go by 

Still under-producing but determined nevertheless

Oatmeal, fenugreek, fennel, basil, brewers yeast, milk drops and teas to name the least

Stuck to the pump

The bottle's nipple releases faster than mommy's 

You're going to be a smart little one

Your colic cries tear me up inside

We cry together

I thirst for the next time you give me a smile

Dairy sensitivity they tell me

But mother's milk is best

My diet completely changed

You're worth it

Smiles come more frequently

Milk comes more naturally, but still supplementing

That's okay

You're being fed

I praise my good Lord for our healthy baby

I realize not every mommy is this fortunate 

But my God is good

Fed is best


A HUGE THANK YOU TO LAURIN HILLS AT



ANOTHER THANK YOU TO MARI TREVERTON AT

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